Why Relationships Do/Don’t Change
What is it that lies at the foundation of relationships? Why is it that relationships change over time? And can you ever be secure in a relationship? Let us explore these important questions together right now.
There are at least two things that lie at the foundation of relationships. One is your understanding of who you are. The other is your understanding of who the other person is. And what is it that can change your relationship with someone? It is new information.
If you receive new information about the person, that can change how you relate to them. For example, let’s imagine that you are married with children, and you have a church friend that comes over to your place quite often. You enjoy his company, and the children seem to enjoy him as well. But, today, you find out that he is a sex offender with a long history of pedophilia and prison sentences because of repeated offences. Would that change your relationship with that church friend? Most likely it would. Why? Because you have received new information about him, and that changes how you relate to him.
It isn’t always in a bad direction, however. You may have met one of your neighbors at a social gathering and talked with them a bit, but they seemed to be a little awkward and disheveled. You wave hello to them when you pass their house, but you aren’t quite sure what to think of them. But later you learn that they are an expert in their field of study and a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. Would that information change how you relate to that neighbor? Most likely it would.
If you receive new information about someone else, that can affect your relationship with that person. But how many relationships can be affected if you find out new information about yourself? It can affect every relationship you have.
If you had been confident in your relationships previously, but one day you slide into a depression that you can’t get out of, and you remain in the pit of depression for months or several years, does that affect the relationships you have? Yes, it does. You no longer have the same confidence that you had before because you have now faced an “enemy” that “conquered” you, and you see yourself in a different light. Because of that new understanding of yourself, you relate to others differently.
As humans with limited knowledge, we are always subject to changes in our relationships with others. This is because we can always be confronted with new information that changes what we think about ourselves and others, thus changing how we relate to them.
But there is a relationship you can have that will never change. That is God’s relationship with you. How much of your life is God aware of? All of it, of course. Does that also mean that God is aware of the life that you haven’t even lived yet? Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” This clearly shows that God knows the future. God knows everything that you will ever think, do, or say, and everything that you have already thoughts, said, and done. God knows everything from beginning to end. That means that there can be no new information with God.
Does God love you? “For God so loved [your name here] that He gave His only begotten Son, that if you believe in Him, you should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3. When did God love you? Only after you lived a good life and proved that you were worthy of His love? No, of course not! “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8.
What does God think of you? ““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8,9. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11. “How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!” Psalm 139:17. Does God only think this of you after you have lived a good life and proven that you are worthy of God’s good thoughts? No, of course not!
When did God begin loving you and thinking good of you? It was before you were even conceived. And how much of your life was God aware of before you were conceived? All of it! Then, can you ever think, say, or do anything that will change God’s love and good thoughts toward you? No, absolutely not! There is nothing that will ever surprise God. There is no new information that can come to Him that He didn’t already know. There is nothing that can change His mind about you, for His love and thoughts are for you, knowing everything your life has ever been and will ever be. You can never sin a sin so bad, or repeat a sin so often, or combine so many sins together that you could ever change God’s love for you and His good thoughts toward you. That would be impossible!
And does God know who He is? Of course! Will God’s understanding of Himself ever change? No! So, will anything ever change God’s relationship with you? No!
But can your understanding of who you are and who God is change? Yes! Therefore, your relationship with God can change, while His relationship with you never will. It is never that God goes back and forth with you. It is always that you go back and forth with God. The instability of your relationship with God is never His instability. It is your own. The more consistently you trust in Him, the more you understand who He is and what He is like, the more constant will be your relationship with Him. You can get off the rollercoaster or the yo-yo, because He is infinite, and His thought and love for you never change.
When you accept who God is, what He thinks of you, how He loves you, and the fact that His relationship with you will never change, that will change who you understand yourself to be. For you will see yourself in relationship to Him. You will see yourself as His child, and you will know that relationship can never be threatened or changed.
And when you know who you are in relationship to God and that your relationship can never change by anything you think, say, or do, then you know who others are in relationship to God. You know that their relationship to God can never change by anything they think, say, or do. You know that they are His child, and you know that relationship can never be threatened or changed. When you understand and believe this, then you don’t change how you think about and love others, regardless of what new information comes to you about them, because you think about them and love them like God does. And, because His love and thoughts don’t change, when you accept that love and those thoughts from God for yourself, you can then pass them on to others and love them and think good about them without changing either.
To seek for stable relationships in any other way is simply impossible. For this is the only foundation of stable relationships. And this is what God created us for in the beginning and what He is seeking to restore us to, now.
We are so grateful to Beulah Valley Farm for their sacrificial donation to New Paradigm Ministries. This family ministry / market garden just opened in Stover, Missouri, and they donated all the earnings from their opening day to New Paradigm Ministries. We are so grateful for your generosity toward us! God is so good!