I have struggled with addictions for much of my life. And I know that no one is addicted to something because they want to be addicted to it. They are addicted because they can’t stop it. They are in prison, and they can’t get out of that prison. Yes, the addict enjoys the positive sensations associated with the substance or the behavior. This is what keeps drawing them back to the addiction again and again. But no addict wants to be a slave to anything.
The Addiction Experience
Early in the addiction, there is usually a lot of pleasure and relatively small negative consequences associated with the substance or behavior of choice. If it was the other way around, no one would end up in an addiction. If the first time you used the substance or participated in the behavior, your hand painfully rotted off, you wouldn’t go back to that substance or behavior again. And your example would help others avoid the substance or behavior as well.
Because you get a lot of pleasure, and you have relatively small negative consequences at the beginning, you estimate that the pleasure is well worth the small consequences. But over time, the scales begin to tip. There is still pleasure, but it takes more of the substance or a greater intensity of the behavior to get the same effect as before, until eventually you can never reach those early experiences of pleasure you once had.
Over time, the negative consequences increase in number and intensity, and you find yourself in an upside-down situation. The negative consequences are more and more constant and severe, and the only thing that helps you “surface” out of the misery is increasing doses of your substance or behavior. If the substance or behavior finally fails to help you surface from the misery to a sufficient degree, you will stop using it and switch to or add another substance or behavior that will continue to help you surface to escape the misery.
Your baseline level of pleasure decreases with each use of the substance or behavior, so that eventually your “high” is what your baseline used to be, and you can only get back to “normal” with the continued use of the substance or behavior. But even that diminishes so that nothing you do can get you back to what normal used to be. You have slowly descended into an ever-increasing hell from which you find no escape. This is the natural progression of an addiction.
The Cause of Addictions
But where does an addiction come from in the first place? It is driven by a missing need in your life. For every need you have, there is an uncomfortable symptom to tell you the need is not being sufficiently supplied. You need water, and if it is lacking you feel thirst. You need food, and if it is lacking you feel hunger. You need oxygen, and if it is lacking you feel suffocation. So, what is the need that is missing which is at the foundation of every addiction? It is love. The lack of love is the driving force behind every addiction. If everyone was full of love, there would never be an addict.
There are many aspects of love, such as acceptance, belonging, honesty, security, appreciation, understanding, kindness, gentleness, and the list goes on. And when love is lacking, there is a void, a gnawing, or an emptiness. Sometimes it is a difficult-to-pinpoint discomfort in the background of our lives. Other times it is clearer, manifesting in feelings of rejection, loneliness, betrayal, dejection, misunderstanding, etc. And every addict knows that their addiction is worse when they feel lonely, betrayed, rejected, misunderstood, and so on.
With that love void in the background, the addict tries some substance or behavior that happens to provide a euphoria or pleasure that numbs the love void temporarily. Associated with this euphoria is the release of dopamine in the brain. Any substance or behavior that causes a larger-than-normal release of dopamine is a potential candidate as an addictive substance or behavior. And the greater the potential for eliciting a dopamine surge, the greater addiction potential that substance or behavior has.
No one is addicted to broccoli, carrots, or lettuce, because the consumption of these foods is not associated with an excessive dopamine surge. But foods that are high in fat, salt, and sugar do have addiction potential—foods such as pastries, candies, ice cream, chocolate, cheese, seasoned meat, or the ranch dressing you eat your salad and vegetables with. Behaviors such as winning a competition, buying a new item, gambling, pornography, and sexual encounters outside of a committed marriage relationship between a man and a woman are potential candidates, as are drugs such as caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, narcotics, and other street drugs.
When an individual who is experiencing a love void uses or participates in one of these substances or behaviors and there is a resulting euphoria and dopamine rush, they lose the sensation of the love void for a while. The void is buried under the euphoria until the euphoria wears off and the dopamine levels subside. Then the void “comes back,” and they are left a little worse off than before. Now, instead of having supplied their need of love with the love that can fulfill their need, they have simply numbed the sensation temporarily. It is like being hungry and eating Styrofoam. You may feel full after eating the Styrofoam, but it won’t give you any strength, and you will have additional negative consequences from eating it. Having numbed the void, but not supplied the need, over time there is a growing sense of guilt associated with the use of that substance or participation in that behavior.
As with Adam and Eve, a sense of guilt causes the individual to separate themselves from God (to hide from Him), who is the source of the love they need. They need a love that is full, constant, personal, and unselfish, and only God has that kind of love for them. So, if they are already deficient in that love, because they haven’t been coming to God to get the love they need, and now they use a substance or participate in a behavior that results in guilt, they draw even farther away from God. The guilt adds to their love void, making the void even worse, which makes them want to avoid the negative sensation of the void. So, they go back to the substance or behavior that “helped” them last time, and the cycle is repeated. Imperceptibly, they have already started the descent into the inevitable hell described above.
The Addict’s Thoughts
The addict who is religious will have an exaggerated guilt response when participating in the addiction. They know that it is wrong. They know that God knows it is wrong. They make promises to God that they will do better next time. They try to make behavioral changes related to the addiction (throwing away the substance and paraphernalia associated with its use, deleting files or subscriptions or memberships, ending relationships, etc.), but none of these resolve the underlying problem. Each time they fail and give in to the substance or behavior again, they then beat themselves up with guilt, shame, and self-hatred in an unconscious effort to “pay” for their sin and “earn” their right to come back to God for forgiveness. As long as they can get enough time between their last use and now, then they can come to God and ask for His forgiveness.
As guilt drove Adam and Eve away from God in the Garden of Eden, it does the same for the addict. And it leads to secrecy. The addict may be open about their substance use and behavior with those they believe will not reject them and will not lay greater shame upon them for their use (fellow users, etc.), but they will try to hide their use, as much as possible, from those whom they believe will condemn and reject them for that use. So, in an addiction, the addict must pretend, evade, or outright lie to avoid discovery and rejection by those whom they fear will reject them for their use. If you are looking at an addict, you are looking at a liar. It’s not that they want to be a liar. It is that they can’t stop the addiction cycle, but they fear losing important relationships by that addiction, so they lie about the addiction to maintain the relationships. Eventually, this fails, and then everything starts falling apart.
More About Addictions
The vast majority of attempts to overcome an addiction are unsuccessful. Most, if they actually stop using the substance or participating in the behavior that was associated with their addiction, will simply switch to another substance or behavior. To switch your substance of use or behavior of choice to another one is not freedom. Freedom comes when you are free from addiction itself. So, what is needed for you to be free—truly free? Before we answer this question, we need to understand what influences someone to stay in an addiction or to attempt to go free from that addiction.
Gain and Loss
We make decisions based upon gain and loss. We always pursue what we believe to be gain, and we always try to avoid what we believe to be loss. As long as we see the addiction as a gain, we cannot stop it, even if we believe it is wrong. If you think about it, there are many things in your life that you know you shouldn’t do, but you do it anyway. Why? Because the deciding factor of whether you do or don’t do something is not whether you think it is right or wrong (which is a function of your conscience). It is whether you believe it is a gain or a loss (which is a function of your heart). If you believe it is right (in your conscience), but you also believe it is a loss (in your heart), you won’t do it. If you believe it is wrong (conscience), but you also believe it is a gain (heart), you will do it. This is how we function in sinful nature.
When it comes to varying degrees of gain and loss, we always pursue the greater gain, and we always try to avoid the greater loss. If you are presented with the option of receiving $5 or $5,000,000 with no strings attached, which one would you choose? All of us would choose $5,000,000. Why? Because we all pursue the greater gain. If you were fined for something and given the option of paying either $5 or $5,000,000 for the fine, which one would you choose? All of us would choose $5. Why? Because we all seek to avoid the greater loss. The only way we can choose what we believe is a loss is if that choice allows us to avoid a greater loss. Otherwise, we can only choose what we believe is a gain.
One of the ways you can get someone to stop pursuing what they believe is gain is by attaching sufficient negative consequences to that thing, so that the combined “value” (of the perceived gain of the thing in question and the loss of the negative consequences attached to it) is now considered a loss, not a gain. For example, if you have a fast car, and you enjoy driving very fast in your car, you will drive very fast in your car. But, if your mother is riding with you in the car, and she keeps yelling at you about driving so fast, you will slow down if your mother’s disapproval and yelling is a greater loss to you than the gain of driving very fast. And if you get caught by the police and they give you a hefty fine for driving so fast, that may deter you from driving so fast in the future, as long as you think you might get caught and the fine is a greater loss than the gain of driving fast. But the moment you think no one is watching and you won’t get caught, you will start driving fast again.
This motivation doesn’t change a person’s heart. It only influences their behavior when they think that behavior will be associated with sufficiently negative consequences to make the overall experience negative. But the moment they believe the overall experience may be positive, or they think they can get away with it without the negative consequences, they will go back to it.
In addictions, this type of change in behavior is sometimes achieved when someone gets lung cancer when they were smoking, liver disease when they were drinking, arrested when they were drinking and driving or in possession of illegal drugs, threatened with divorce when they were viewing pornography, forced to foreclose on their house when they were gambling, etc. If the negative consequences associated with the addiction become so great that the combined “value” of the addiction plus the consequences is negative, then they are at the point of seriously looking into what is needed for them to stop the addictive substance or behavior.
Once an individual comes to the point of seeing the overall addiction and its negative consequences as a loss, then they are ready to pursue options that could help them be free. But they still will not pursue freedom if they believe that doing so will create greater losses than the current loss they are in. For example, if someone has been addicted in secret, and they believe that admitting their addiction to someone who is important to them (spouse, child, parent, etc.) will result in rejection and the loss of that relationship, they won’t admit the problems and pursue solutions to it until the addiction becomes a greater loss to them than the potential of losing that relationship. When the loss of the addiction plus its negative consequences is greater than the perceived loss that will be sustained by doing whatever is necessary to be free, only then will the addict be willing to do whatever is necessary to be free from the addiction. This is the “bottom of the barrel,” the “rock and the hard place,” and the “end of the rope” for the addict. This is where a change begins to happen in the life of the individual.
One of the losses that an addict faces when they consider doing whatever is necessary to be free from the addiction is a loss of significant relationships. They fear that the process of going free will result in their losing important relationships. Another fear is the loss of one’s identity. Usually by this point, the addict has been an addict for a long time, and their addiction is a familiar part of their life. They have learned to live by lies and secrecy, and the guilt, self-hatred, broken promises, forfeited pledges and double life that they have experienced and lived is such a part of their life that they see it as an integral part of their identity. They might not be able to even imagine what life would be like without the addiction. “Who would I be without this addiction?” is a frightening thought to some.
There can be the fear of losing respect. This is especially the case with hidden addictions. If it isn’t general knowledge that you are addicted, then there is fear of what will happen when it does become general knowledge. What will they think of me at work? What will they think of me at church? What will they think of me at the club? What will my friends and family think of me? The fear of rejection plays a huge role here. Another fear is the negative effects (withdrawal symptoms) of stopping the substance of behavior of choice. Depending upon the substance or behavior, those effects can feel like walking through hell. Of course, there is the fear of having to face the difficulties of life without the ability to escape into the addiction for relief. Now you have to face the suffering without your chosen method of numbing the pain. And there is the fear of others knowing about the problem and then you falling yet again into the addiction, which would bring further rejection.
Each of these are fears that may be faced by the addict as they are contemplating freedom from the addiction. And only when the loss of the addiction and its negative consequences is greater than the perceived loss of doing whatever is necessary to be free, only then will the addict begin to explore freedom.
Dealing with the Addict
But the fear of the addict’s loved ones is that the addict will never turn around. The fear is that they will consume their substance of choice to the point of death. Or they may become so discouraged by the consequences of the addiction that they will commit suicide in desperation. This is a possible outcome of the addiction, and it is more likely with some substances and behaviors than others. But what we need to understand is that the same circumstances that bring someone to the point of suicide are the same circumstances that bring that person to the point of surrender. There is only a thin dividing line between the suicide that ends the struggle in failure and the surrender that leads to victory. And the thing that makes the difference between suicide and surrender is hope. If someone comes to that dark place without hope, the result can be suicide. But if they come to that dark place with hope, the result is surrender.
The negative consequences of the addiction are needed to bring the addict to the point of surrender, where the addiction and its consequences become the greater loss, and they are then willing to face the smaller loss of doing whatever is necessary to be free. So, don’t “save” the addict from any of the consequences. Let them face every consequence that comes to them. But, while you allow them to suffer the consequences, give them hope. “You haven’t gone too far. It’s not too late for you. God has 1,000 ways to set you free and He only needs one of those ways. No, it hasn’t worked so far, but it will work.” Always give them hope.
If you can, put the addict in contact with others who have struggled with and overcome the same addiction. Someone who has been through it before will be able to give invaluable advice to the one who is still in the addiction. They can assure them that stopping isn’t as bad as they fear it will be. They can give first-hand experience of what it was like for them to quit, what worked for them, what didn’t work, and what pitfalls to avoid along the way. They can help the addict to understand that they aren’t alone. Others have struggled with the same problem and have overcome; and there is hope for them to overcome as well. They may also be able to serve as an accountability partner for the addict, encouraging them to make a decision to quit, and holding them accountable, in love, to that decision. It is often said, you know an addict is lying if their lips are moving. This can be very true, but a former addict can usually spot many of the common lies of the current addict. A good accountability partner knows how to identify the lies, confront the lies, and probe for the truth.
While you always let the addict suffer the consequences of their addiction, always love them and give them honor and respect. Treat them as valuable. But don’t depend upon them. If you see them as the source of anything you need, you can’t truly be free from them—you can’t be free to love them as they need to be loved and give them the freedom they need. You need what is good, and if you need them, then you must try everything you can to make them be good, so that you can get what you need. You will try to force, coerce, manipulate, lay guilt trips, blame, etc. to try to make them better. And doing these things will reinforce the very reason that they pursued the addiction in the first place (a lack of love) and drive them deeper into the addiction. If you need them, then you will only “love” them when they are being good. And when they know that you only love them when they are being good, they will retreat back into secrecy. They see from your current actions that you would give up on them if things got bad enough, so that fear of rejection will keep them from doing whatever is necessary to be free, for the environment is not safe enough to pursue that freedom.
Does loving them mean that you have to stay with them? Not necessarily. You must ask God what He would have you to do in the situation. God knows all things and knows what would be best. Let Him guide in the moment. It may be best for you to stay. Or, it may be necessary, because of the addiction and its consequences, to separate from the addict. It may be necessary to separate bank accounts, living spaces, legal affairs, etc. for their sake. But don’t pursue this separation to protect yourself. That won’t end up well. Pursue the separation for their sake and for God’s plan and mission for your life. If you want to know more about proper boundaries, check out my presentation, Sphere of Action & Proper Boundaries, on our YouTube channel www.YouTube.com/@NewParadigmMinistries.
Anything that you can do to decrease the perceived loss (fears) associated with facing and quitting the addiction will help the addict from having to go so deep into the darkness before turning around. So do what you can to understand their fears, address them in a loving and realistic way, and encourage (but not force) them toward change. Recognize that most attempts at quitting an addiction are associated with relapses. Recognize that, expect it, prepare for it yourself by deciding beforehand how you could best respond to help them back to freedom, and help the addict to know that they have the grace to be imperfect as long as they are not just giving up and giving in to the addiction. Help the addict to see a relapse as an educational opportunity rather than a complete failure. Help them to examine what was going on in their life and their thoughts that led to their relapse. The better they can understand what led to the relapse, the more they can cooperate in resolving the underlying problem behind the addiction. But, if they see the relapse as a complete failure, they will go right back into guilt, self-blame, self-hatred, and the addiction cycle will continue unabated.
Many believe that victory over an addiction consists of never participating in the behavior or using the substance anymore. But this is not necessarily true victory. You may never participate in your addiction again, but you could simply be “white knuckling it.” Or you may simply switch to another addictive substance or behavior and leave the previous one behind. True victory in overcoming addiction is being satisfied when it comes to love, being attracted to good and repulsed by evil, and having perfect self-control under all circumstances.
Overcoming Addictions
The underlying factor behind addiction is a lack of love. The key to addiction recovery, therefore, is being full of love. Each of us needs a love that is full, constant, personal, and unselfish, and no one who needs something can be the source of what they need. So, if every person needs a love that is full, constant, personal, and unselfish, then no person can be the source of that kind of love. The only one who doesn’t need that kind of love is the One who is the source of that kind of love, and that is God. So, without God, it is impossible for anyone to be full of love and to overcome their addiction.
Everything you need comes from outside of you and must be brought inside for you to live. If it remains outside, even if it is very close to you, you cannot live by it. You can only live by it if it is brought inside. You need oxygen, and you can only live by that oxygen if you bring it inside by breathing. If the oxygen stays at your nose, you will die. It must get to your lungs, into your blood, and then to all parts of your body for you to live. You need water, and you can only live by that water if you bring it inside by drinking. If it stays at your lips, you will die. It must get to all parts of your body for you to live. You also need love, and you can only live by that love if you bring it inside. If it stays outside, even if it is very close to you, you cannot live by it. But how do you bring love inside yourself?
Taking Love
You are created to govern yourself from the inside, and not to be governed from the outside. God will not allow anything else to take over your self-government from the outside, and neither will God Himself take over your self-government. But you were also created dependent upon things outside of yourself to live and function by. Therefore, it is your own responsibility to take into yourself what you need. It is never someone else’s responsibility to take what you need and put it into you. If you need love (which you do) then it is your own responsibility to take the love you need into yourself. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to put that love within you. As God is the source of the love you need, it is His responsibility to make sure His love is available to you, but it isn’t His responsibility to take that love and put it into you. It is your responsibility to take the love into yourself by your own action.
Physically, you take in air by breathing, water by drinking, and food by eating. But you take in every spiritual thing you need (like love) by faith and trust. Everything you need has a source where that thing comes from, and that source is God. To take what God has for you, you must first bind yourself to God (by trust), and then take what He makes available to you and bring it into yourself (by faith). And only when what you need is inside of you can you live and function by it.
God has given everyone a measure of trust and faith, and everyone exercises trust and faith on a moment-by-moment basis. When someone tells you something and you believe it, you have just put your trust in the person and by faith have taken what they said and believed it. Now it is a part of you, and you live and function (or die and dysfunction) by it. When you get into your car and put on your seatbelt, you have put your trust in the manufacturer of the car and seatbelt, by faith you have taken the security that is promised, and you live and function in a state of security even if you have never been in an accident or needed a seatbelt’s restraint before. Your function is not dependent upon the seatbelt itself, but upon what you believe about the seatbelt. You don’t function by a seatbelt, but by the security you need.
But where does security (and every other spiritual need you have) come from? It all comes from God. He is the source of everything you need. The question is, does He love you, and can you trust Him? You can only take love from where you believe it exists, because it is by believing (by faith) that you take in the love you need. So, if you don’t believe God loves you, you can’t take any love from Him. And if you don’t trust Him, you can’t bind yourself to Him to take what you need from Him. So, if you don’t trust Him and don’t believe He loves you, you are stuck. And that is why the devil tries so hard to make everyone believe that God is not trustworthy and isn’t loving. If he can succeed in convincing us of this, then we have no way to be free, for freedom can only come from God. Freedom happens when we trust God which leads to dependence upon and surrender to Him.
Is God trustworthy? Just look at the sun. Can you trust that the sun will set today and rise tomorrow? Can you trust the sun will cross the horizon as it has every other day of your life? Yes. Why? It isn’t because the sun is trustworthy. It is simply a ball of burning gas in the sky. It is God who controls the movements of the earth, the sun, and every celestial body on a moment-by-moment basis. If God were to suddenly remove His immediate and purposeful control of all these things, it would all turn to chaos in a moment. The sun is faithful because God is faithful. God is so faithful and so regular and so organized, that His moment-by-moment regulation of everything that functions appears to us like impersonal laws. But there is a very personal, purposefully involved, and active God behind all things that function.
“‘For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” Isaiah 54:10. “Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments.” Deuteronomy 7:9. “If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13. “But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3. “For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is done in truth.” Psalm 33:4. “Your faithfulness endures to all generations; You established the earth, and it abides.” Psalm 119:90. “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23. “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6. “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23. There is plenty of evidence of God’s faithfulness.
But does God love you? What does He say? “I have loved you so much, that I gave My only begotten Son for you, that if you believe in me, you should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. “Yes, [put your name here], I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3. “For when you were still an addict, before you ever did anything right, I died for you.” Romans 5:6. “Look at the scars in my hands. I have permanently etched you into myself. I will never forget you.” Isaiah 49:16. “I am the One who pardons your iniquity and passes over your transgressions. I’m not eternally angry, like you thought I was. I delight in mercy. I will have compassion upon you. I will help you overcome your addictions. I will take all of your sins and mistakes and throw them in the bottom of the ocean where you can never find them again.” Micah 7:18-19.
God is not put off by your addiction. He knows that you aren’t addicted because you want to be. He knows that you are a slave of the addiction, and He is here to help set you free. Does God personally condemn you for participating in your addiction? Would you condemn a slave for continuing to work as a slave when they don’t know how to go free? Of course not! And neither does God. Yes, your addiction hurts you and others. No, you cannot take that addiction with you into heaven to tarnish that perfect environment. Yes, addictions must be overcome in this life. But they aren’t overcome in the context of God reprimanding you, frowning upon you, being frustrated with you, and barely holding back His lightning bolts of vengeance upon you. No! Never!
God loves you. He died for you. He yearns to set you free. He is not angry with you for being addicted. He feels sorry for you being in the position that you are in. And He made provision for your situation already. “But God demonstrates His own love toward [me], in that while [I was] still [a sinner], Christ died for [me].” Romans 5:8. “For God so loved [me] that He gave His only begotten Son, that [if I believe] in Him [I] should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. “If [I] confess [my] sins, [You are] faithful and just to forgive [me of my] sins and to cleanse [me] from ALL unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9. “[You,] Lord [are] merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. [You have] not dealt with [me] according to [my] sins, nor punished [me] according to [my] iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is [Your] mercy toward [me]; as far as the east is from the west, so far [have You] removed [my] transgressions from [me].” Psalm 103:8,10-12. “Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? [You do] not retain [Your] anger forever, because [You] delight in mercy. [You] will again have compassion on [me], and will subdue [my] iniquities. You will cast all [my] sins into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:18-19. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.” Ezekiel 36:26-27. Take these verses and write them down. Go over them again and again. Memorize them. Believe them, because these are God’s promises, and He is faithful.
When you are tempted to give in to your addiction, that is simply a sign that you need love, just as suffocation is a sign that you need air. So, when you are tempted, breathe—take those promises of God’s love for you and recount them, believe them, accept that they are for you right now. And when you believe, the love is yours, and it satisfies your longing so that you don’t have to try to cover the ache with your addiction. You are free for the moment (until you need to “breathe” again). Instead of seeing temptation as something bad that brings you guilt and condemnation (something that causes you to separate from God and use or do what you shouldn’t), see it as a reminder of your need of God’s love—to come to God and “breathe in” His love again. Instead of temptation being something that drives you away from God, use it as a reminder to run to God and be filled.
Relapse
Rarely does someone begin this process of turning to God instead of their addiction without relapses. Relapse is very common. Don’t beat yourself up because of it. A child, when it is learning to walk, always falls. How many times it falls in the process of learning to walk varies with each child, but a parent will give their child the freedom to fall as many times as it takes in the process of learning to walk. If the child has been in the process of learning for 10 years and is still not able to walk, there is an obvious problem. But, if the child is progressing so that they fall down less often, get up faster, and can handle more and more difficult terrain, it’s okay. That is part of the process of learning to walk. And the same is true of learning to trust in God and fill up on His love rather than trying to “fill” the void with the addiction. If you beat yourself up (or get beat up) every time you fall, you will fall hard, stay down a long time, and not be very motivated to get back up. But, if you recognize this is just a part of the process of becoming free, then you don’t fall so hard, don’t stay down so long, and are more motivated to get back up, because you know God is not there to beat you up, but to help you get back up.
God is your friend, not your enemy, in this process. He wants you to be free. He died so that you can be free. He is cheering for you. He encourages you when you get up to stay up. And when you fall down, He encourages you to get up again by His strength. Trust in Him and let Him set you free as you cooperate with Him in that process of freedom.
I have found it helpful to know how I can be free from the guilt of my past, and for that, I recommend you watch Leaving Your Baggage Behind on my YouTube channel www.YouTube.com/@DrMarkSandoval.
Total Surrender is Key
Freedom comes when you trust God and are willing to follow His leading in your life, no matter what that looks like. You have come to the point where you must be free, no matter what—where you are willing to face, lose, give up, do, or experience anything that God asks you to if that is what is necessary for you to be free. You must be willing to be free at all costs, even if that means you die in the process. When freedom becomes the primary objective of your life, you will be willing to face all the things you were never willing to face before—the loss of relationships, reputation, job, finances, comfort, etc., that kept you lying, hiding, pretending, and relying upon yourself to be free. Then, the greatest gain for you will be freedom, and you will pursue it without anything else stopping you, for you always go after the greatest gain. For more on this topic, I recommend this presentation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD0P7vsWb0k&list=PLLD0iQG5_nHSOVGsSetkQ7CmHptF3QRtC&index=7
When you are ready to be free, you will let others know about your problem so that you can have help being free. You will admit that you have a problem and that you need help. You will be transparent about your addiction, not hiding it, lying about it, or minimizing how bad it actually is. You will accept (and/or ask for) accountability partners to help you along the pathway to freedom. And if there are restrictions laid upon you (giving up control/access to the finances, adding accountability/blocking software to computers & devices, cutting off certain relationships, not patronizing certain businesses, getting rid of substances and paraphernalia associated with their use, deleting accounts, etc.), you will submit to those restrictions, knowing that they are for your good. And you will see your life turning around and taking a new direction—one you always hoped for but long ago lost confidence that you could obtain.
Do you have questions or need more information? Reach out to us! We would love to help you in whatever way we can.
